The World Through My Eyes

Dating

Rick and I were at the East Somerville Foodie Crawl on Tuesday and he asked me a question that put everything into perspective for me:

“When was the last time you dated, I mean went out on dates with multiple people?”

“…never.”

These past few weeks I’ve probably been on a dozen dates with four different guys. I’ve never done this whole dating thing before and that’s probably why I’m having such an issue with it. Usually I just meet someone, we click and then we’re together for few years. Going on dates with different guys seemed weird at first, but with some prodding, I’m giving it a shot. But I’ve never had to do the dating scene before so all of this is new to me. 

But the moment I stepped foot in Massachusetts, it was a whole different story. I’ve actually had to do this dating thing and holy shit, it sucks. You go on a few dates, and then in some cases you just stop hearing from the person. Not a thing. Or it’s a slow and gradual decline, because the guy is too chicken shit to be honest or doesn’t care enough to say anything. Or you get a text at 3 am asking if you want to get McDonalds (yes…it happened).

The first guy I dated, we really hit it off. He was really into soccer and hockey (Arsenal and the Bruins). I think we liberated each other in different ways. I threw all of my rules out the window with him. Our problem was we went too heavy too quickly and then about three weeks later it fizzled, we stopped talking as much and then for the first time, I was rejected but not in a normal way. He just slowly stopped talking to me, starting giving me one-word answers and then one day I woke up and found myself with one less Facebook friend, no words exchanged or anything. For someone who was older than me, I found it so shockingly immature. 

Second guy, who has been dubbed Rugby boy, was nice (ish) and was the first date to make me literally walk a 10K for a date. We met at the JFK/UMASS T stop and literally walked to Quincy Market. That was our first date. We went on two more dates and on the third we went to his place to watch a rugby game. The night ended with the most hilariously awkward experience I have ever had (ask if you really want to know) and then never heard from him again after that. I was totally okay with it because he had a really weird tongue that creeped me out.

Third guy, went on two dates (all I could stomach) with Sir Talks A Lot. NEVER in my life have I met someone who could talk incessantly about themselves and the mundane for three hours straight. Both dates were awkward and terrible. I love music, but this guy just makes me hate it because that’s ALL HE TALKS ABOUT. First off, he still buys CD’s. WTF? Second, he rambles and rambles and I never get a word in. Every time he asked to walk me to my door, I dreaded it. I also was never going to invite him inside. I will however tell him thanks but no thanks.

Fourth guy is the current guy. I have to say, out of all of them, he is the most genuine, sweet and funny. He’s not a dick (cross my fingers), over talkative (cross my fingers), an asshole masked as a sports nut (again, fingers crossed). We’ve been out on two dates so far and we would have gone on a third date if I hadn’t failed at the “why-don’t-you-plan-the-third-date” hint. On the first date we went to this really awesome restaurant/bar and then went back to his place and just talked over a beer. On the second date, we went to an Ethiopian restaurant (would have been better had I not been just getting over food poisoning) and then went back to his place and watched Hot Fuzz. All he did was put his arm around me during the whole movie and then when I was leaving, he kissed me. It was lovely and a little unexpected. So the third date will consist of Thai food and then bowling. Hopefully things go well because I definitely want to challenge him to Wii Sports soon (he talked about it on our first date). He’s a good guy so far, but it’s only been three weeks and two dates so we’ll see. Rick’s convinced we’ll continue dating and it’s the first guy I’ve told him about that he’s liked (even though he’s never met him…it might be because he’s Jewish). 

My issue with dating is that it’s stressful. It’s like going on consecutive interviews, without ever knowing how you’re doing. Clearly I’m applying at the wrong places at this point but this one could be a good one. I overanalyze and I can’t help myself. I think it’s the Philosophy/Political Science major coming out in me. Trying to understand and comprehend one’s actions ends up with me where I am now: sitting at home, writing this tumblr and watching movies on Netflix. Granted I have core training at Apple all weekend so that’s why I’m not out and about. But seriously, dating reminds me how shallow people can be, how outcomes-oriented some guys can be and that as a black woman…it’s a lot harder. I like to think that people are different and can see past it but sometimes I’m reminded how untrue that is. And that is a sad sad thing.

So I’ll ride the wave and see where this takes me, while trying to not figure out what course it’s taking. If nothing else, it gives me hilarious stories to tell people. Just not when i’m out on a date…